DISCLAIMER: Before you read this remember I still stand by the words "Bullshit is bad for you," even if it's my bullshit.
I can remember the smell of the coastal air as I lay awake on the sleeper bus traveling along the sandy beaches and hilly mountains of Vietnam. The light above my sleeper shone on my face like a spotlight in an otherwise dark cave of passengers. Tucked away in dreams of the salty sea air permeating their nostrils and sand between their toes the other passengers lay asleep as bus after bus jetted by in the opposite direction rocking our communal cradle. While they slept I reflected. I had been away from home for over 8 months and was still regretting having left at all. Maybe it was the darkness that brought me serenity that evening, maybe it was the pale white moon reflecting off the ocean, whatever it was, something that night made me contemplate my life in a way I had not in some time.
When people ask me about my trip to Asia I tend to break out the same generic, cliche experiences that most everyone that has traveled to that part of the world has had at one point or another. Every backpacker has been touched by the generosity of a local at some time during their journey, every travller has debated on setting up permanent residence on a beach in Thailand, and every visitor has been drowned in the bloody sadness of the Tuol Sleng museum in Cambodia. These are shared experiences. The majority of people who have gone to these places have felt these things, no one person owns them, they are in the public domain of emotions. I do therefore find it odd that I have never talked about one of the most poignant unique moments of my trip up until now.
The coast of Vietnam at night is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. It would be impossible to paint a visual picture with a bunch of letters on a computer screen so I won't even attempt to. While amazing in the day as well, there is something about the painted black sky and shimmering moon bathing the ocean with milky white ripples that is unparalleled. I looked out the window for hours that night; I didn't say a word the entire evening, only listened. I listened and I wrote. I wrote up business ideas. I wrote about fears I had. I wrote about the quicksand of sadness I had found myself sinking into. I wrote about love. And I wrote down the words I later had permenantly written on my body. "I want to live life and always be true"
I don't know if I will ever understand why I went to Asia in the first place. Maybe it was to one up an ex girlfriend, maybe it was to escape another ex , maybe it was because I wanted to prove something to myself, looking back on the whole experience I still don't really know. While I was there I tried to be something I was not because I had convinced myself that the person I had been before would never succeed. That night though something happened, something that had never happened previously and has not happened since. I experienced a clarity, an understanding of myself that I had not previously had. It didn't matter whether or not I ever succeeded at anything, career's, relationships etc. being true to myself was a success in itself that very few people nowadays can claim to have accomplished.
As fate would have it I came back with the memory of the person I wanted to be tattooed on my wrist, and it has since paid off. I'm happy now, really happy. I'm unsure why I wrote this post, I think maybe I just wanted to say Thank you Vietnam.
